Today, August 5th, 2015, Nick and I were informed that our contracts at VSU will not be renewed at the end of the school year in May 2016. This means that after May 2016, we won't be working at VSU and will be moving somewhere....to be determined. Although we have "tenure-track" positions which usually means stability, we do sign annual contracts pending budget approval. The good thing about academia is that we do get a lot of notice so we have a lot of time to figure out our next plan.
We had no clue this was coming, not even a hint. In fact, last year when we asked about budget cuts (each year there have been budget cuts due to decrease in enrollment), we were told that we would be safe because if positions were eliminated the established tenured faculty that is close to retiring would just be "encouraged" to retire since they cost more (some make close to twice what we make). However, we have a new interim President and a new order of business. Instead, they decided to make the cuts according to rank and date of hire. Nick and I were the last hired in our department so we're the first to go.
We got back in town Monday. Tuesday we got an email from the admin assistant in our department asking us to call the Dean for an appointment. We called and were told to come in the next morning (today). I thought it was odd to have a meeting with the Dean but I honestly thought this was a move on her part to be more visible to faculty since her evals were probably not good this past year. But when I woke up this morning I saw an article in this morning's paper about VSU letting go faculty and staff and notifying them this week so they'd have time to find new jobs and then I knew that's what we were going in for. I had about an hour from the time I read the article to the time of our meeting. In that one hour, Nick and I ran through all kinds of scenarios and figured out we'd be fine regardless of the outcome. We felt ok going in. We took all the kids with us because we have no sitter. We thought about taking them in to the meeting so they'd have to let us go and look at their little faces....but then of course, we didn't.
We've been asked, "how do you feel?" all day by those who know. The answer is I am not sure. I felt fine and optimistic this morning then I broke down midday and now I'm starting to level out probably because I've cried it out. I've been trying to figure out why I cry when I think about it. I tried to narrow down my feelings and there are just so many things going through my head.
I KNOW we did a good job. We're good at what we do. And that part hurts. We are great and we got cut in spite of our great performance. I am a little bitter about the concept of tenure in higher ed at the moment seeing as I think there are tenured people that should've been let go due to performance but weren't because they have tenure.
I felt like this job was a good fit for us and now we're back to square one. I cry because I worry that potential employers will think that we were let go because of performance even though our record speaks for itself. Nick reminded me that would only be a question if we get to May and we're still unemployed which I'd like to think it won't get to that. The Dean and our colleagues have pledged to write us reference letters clearly stating that it was not our fault we were let go.
I cry because in academia getting a tenure-track position is the goal. We had them and felt like we were home (at work) and we'd do this forever (if we wanted to) but that turned out not to be the case. I thought I'd made it. I like to plan my life years ahead and I had long-term plans I was looking forward to. I finally felt like a stable "real adult" but this puts me back in limbo. This is the main reason I cry.
I cry because I have to be open to non-academic jobs and that scares me. This is the feeling I was least expecting to feel. I've said multiple times to multiple people that I don't NEED to be in academia, that I could be fulfilled by another job. But now I'm starting to question that. I really enjoy the classroom and the research part of the job. It's challenging and fulfilling with manageable stress. Plus, it's flexible enough to where I can have some work/life balance. I'm scared because if I leave academia I won't get back in. It's an unwritten rule. You just don't see it happen.
But I have to stop and think about what we can do to not get to May unemployed. The kids don't know anything about this at this point. Gavin is the only one who would comprehend but we still wont' say anything just yet. Liam hates Georgia. He went on a hunger strike (for less than one hour...but it's the principle that counts, right?) last time we left FL, this time he said he was not happy and today he said he likes Georgia "zero" so I think he'd be happy to hear we are moving out of Georgia.
Anyhow....to be continued.
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