Purple Strollers and Gender CRAZINESS!

I distinctly remember not wanting to step foot in a Babies R' Us when I was pregnant with Gavin because it all seemed so overwhelming. This time around I actually feel the urge to shop for the baby. Not that I need to buy much- I will be re-using pretty much everything I have from Gavin - whether it's a boy or girl.

The big ticket item is the double stroller (I'd never thought I'd be on the market for a double stroller). The stroller obsession has begun (or continued I should say).  I don't know why I always pay attention to strollers.  Not that there's much to look at since much people have the same type but at Disney I've gotten to see all kinds of strollers.  Now that I'm on the market for a new stroller, I am even more obsessed.

Well, I've done some research online and I had my top 2 picks selected but I wanted to see them in person.  First we headed out to the consignment shop to see if I could find some "new" maternity tops and whatever else there was.  There weren't any double strollers but I did find the diaper bag I wanted brand spanking new with the price tag and everything for $10- I'm pretty excited about that find.  The bag is brown with pink outlines and it's all pink on the inside.  The sex of the baby crossed my mind because we won't know for another couple of weeks but then I thought - it's $10, so what if it's pink - it's MY bag and I don't mind the pink.  My mom's reaction: "that's a great bag!....but if it's a boy, I'll buy you a new one"..........

Next up, the Macro Baby store by the Florida Mall.  This store is AMAZING!  So much better than Babies R' Us- in the sense that they carry pretty much every brand of strollers and they have amazing customer service to show you how to use the gear (price is a bit higher but they price match).  Anyhow, so I found the one stroller that I thought we'd both love and we do love it.  We were discussing the details and accessories with the store employee who is Hispanic (you'll understand why I'm pointing this out in a bit) and the conversation went something like this:
Employee: do you know what you're having?
Me: I won't know for another couple of weeks
Employee: well, they're coming out with a purple seat in a couple of months so if you're having a girl, you can have a purple seat for the girl and the black seat for the boy
Nick: or we can have purple for both of them
Employee: Noooo. You can't do that...(with kind of a puzzled look on her face).
Nick: Purple is his favorite color.  It's bright, he likes bright colors.
Another employee: Well, it is a DEEP purple (as if to make amends - I guess the darker the color, the more masculine)
Employee: (looked at Nick's face)  You really would do that?
Nick: Yeah, it's just a color.

She then just moved on to other accessories and stuff.  Nick and I know that we live in a very gendered society but it's quite extreme when it comes to children and ridiculously extreme for baby stuff.  I'm still in shock over the employee's reaction over what we both consider a gender neutral color.  I point out the employee's ethnicity b/c coupled with my mom's reaction, I'm starting to notice that it's even harder to push through the gender barrier in the Latin culture.  It is SO traditionally gendered.  It's hilarious to think that people think having a flowered onesie, a purple stroller, or a pink diaper bag will change the baby's temperament or God forbid his sexual orientation. We all need to remind ourselves that the baby has no concept of the social meaning behind a color, or a flower, or a doll.....they just like what they like - until we beat it out of them (not literally, of course).

What is quite apparent is the devaluation of femininity.  Only because I have a boy did the employee question my choice for purple.  If I had girls and I wanted the blue or black stroller, or a light blue diaper bag no one would ever say anything.  So, this is probably the most upsetting thing about it and quite honestly why I was/am afraid of raising a girl in this world.  It's hard to justify to others why we're perfectly fine with Gavin playing with dolls or trying on pink shoes....the color is arbitrary. Also, I don't want to explain to a girl why people think she can't do this or wear that JUST because she is a girl.  I won't be the one to deter her from running around and playing outside. I know to my family members, I sound like a rebel (wait until they know the top runner name for a girl is a BOY name!), but I know enough now to know that just because it's the way it's been "traditionally" done does not mean it is the right thing to do.

P.S. I am currently teaching Gender & Society so my students will get an earful on Monday's lecture! :)

*Nick's side note rant:  I saw a woman today who had her cute little 5 year old daughter in a pretty pink dress. Of course, as a society, this is perfectly normal.  But, her daughter was interested in running around and climbing on stuff - you know, like kids enjoy doing. Then the mom says something to the effect of "oh, don't go running around, climbing on stuff....you're wearing a nice dress." In other words, her excuse for containing the girl is the clothing that mom forcibly put her in - and then she uses it (the dress) as a reason to hold her back from engaging in the kinds of fun that little boys enjoy at will. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a nice dress. But, kids are kids....and dresses are not practical. Children don't think like adults, so it's hard to explain to a little girl how her dress is potentially revealing and she must therefore restrict her movement. This form of gendering is often the hardest one for people to recognize....and in the case of the little girl - it limits her freedom to explore the world at will.
Ever heard one boy say to another boy "you throw like a girl"? "Throwing like a girl" essentially means "throwing like an untrained athlete". And, the girl who throws like an untrained athlete just might be the girl who had to wear dresses every day.